I should be writing a paper. Obviously I am not doing that. I also should be sitting in class right now. I am not doing that either. Life is an interesting mess of “shoulds”. We all know that we should do this, and should do that. We have the shoulds that are truly beneficial. We should love each other. We should turn the other cheek. We should yield to pedestrians and bikers. We should eat healthy foods. We should exercise for health sake. We should take time for ourselves. We should spend time with our creator. The list could go on and on.
Unfortunately we also have a good amount of shoulds that are not beneficial at all. We should just look out for ourselves. We should be involved in everything at church. We should spend all of our time studying and ignore those around us. We should be better than what we are. We should spend the money, people will think we are cool. We should follow the crowd and not be left out. We should sacrifice ourselves continually for the benefit of others. We should do this or that so someone will love us. We should be perfect and never make mistakes. We should never admit to our mistakes.
Whether we realize it or not our lives are lived out of should statements. We more often than not do things because we know we should do them. This can be healthy. Our internal spirit may be healthy and in line with God so that we are speaking correct messages to ourselves about what we should do. I should give my first fruits to God. God deserves my best. So often though as the damaged human being we are, our internal spirit speaks incorrect messages to us. We all have hurts and insecurities that are constantly spoken over us in the form of shoulds. I should have done better. Perhaps my parents or spouse would be more proud of me if I had done better. I should sacrifice taking care of myself physically, emotionally, or spiritually because I do not matter as much as other people. I should be the only one who submits in my marriage because I am a woman. I should not have tried. I always fail anyways.
Ohhh how broken we all are. We are quite similar to the porcelien dolls I used to play with. Some of the dolls bodies were made of cloth and unable to break. These parts were strong. Other parts though were made of porcelien. All it took was one drop on the driveway and emergency crazy glue surgery was needed. I remember not thinking some of the dolls were worth it. There were some that I threw away. There were others that I kept even though they were missing a hand. How often do we throw ourselves and others away because of our broken spots? How often do we stick around even though we are missing a hand?
This is why I love being a Christian. This is why I love the social work profession. God has a heart for this world of broken people. For you and for me. Right now I am learning skills to work with people who are broken. I am also experiencing some healing in my own life. God has called each of us to love one another. How hard, how beautiful, how true…We should love others. Christ loves us and has shown us what we should do.
I think I am going to practice some self love by taking myself to the front porch to experience my creator and the beautiful world he/she has created. This was good…