pbandj1011

conversations; reflections

In Uncategorized on October 7, 2009 at 10:59 am

Well there is no need for desperation today…it appears that I am beginning to mend. I by no means feel my best but I do feel better. I have the day off my internship because my field instructor was horrified by the sound of my voice yesterday and told me to stay away until I was better. This I do not mind at all because I am actually catching up on some school work that would have otherwise plagued my mind over Phillip and I’s weekend away.

This morning I also had the pleasure of talking with a friend who lives far away. We talked about her job working with children with Autistic Spectrum disorders and what treatment modality she uses. I had not heard of it before. We commiserated over student loans. I complained about having to pay the deductible on our health insurance and other unexpected medical bills. She reminded me that she and many other Americans would be so lucky to have health insurance. We pondered our disgust at how health reform seems to be going nowhere (well at least no where we want it to go). We talked about how bills remind us that we are becoming adults. We don’t really like that part of adulthood. We both like dressing the part though. For her it is dark jeans that make her feel grown up. For me it’s all about a belt that fits my waist, not hips…i.e. requiring higher waisted pants. I shared about a recipe disaster I had last night, whiich I got from Real Simple Magazine. She commented that she loves Real Simple and then gave me a much better sounding recipe (sauteed apples+goat cheese+toasted bread). She had to go to work. I had to return to being sick. She said a prayer for my bills. And the conversation was done.

If I had more time on the phone with her I would have probably shared some of my discomforts as of late. I would have shared that sometimes I am scared that I spend time with God more out of obligation and a need to be “filled up” spiritually so that I can minister to other people. I would have shared that I am bothered by the way I discount the words of some people just because I see them as difficult. I am realizing that there are a lot of people who God would like to speak to me through, but I either do not take them seriously or am annoyed by all of their conservative chatter that surrounds the other worthwhile things they say. I would share that this past year of marriage has been wonderful and I have grown a lot, but that I can still today see how I value myself above all else way too often. None of these things are good. In fact they are all very, very bad. I am comforted by the words of John I read this morning in chapter 15. Jesus spoke thousands of years ago and yet his words have travelled the distance to tell me that without Him I can do nothing; so there is no use trying to change on my own. And so I will remain in Him, and He in me. I suppose we will work this out over the coming days, months, and years. By the time we really get somewhere I suspect that I will either be dead or somewhere close…probably wearing my belted pants just under my boobs at that point.

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