pbandj1011

sick.sick.sick.

In Uncategorized on October 5, 2010 at 8:22 am

Let me begin by apologizing to all my friends who have already heard me talk about/complain about this topic to no end lately….

So I have in the past month acquired a second full-time job. A job that takes tons of time, is highly frustrating, and does not pay. Actually it makes me pay. I’m sick. I’ve been sick for about two months now (cold, broncitis, not being able to breathe due to tightness and pain in my chest, in that order). I’m sick of being sick…and trying to figure out what is wrong with me is my new expensive, full-time job. Five doctors visits so far. Four to Patient First (mildly expensive to expensive when you factor in the prescriptions). One to see a naturopathic doctor (wildly expensive). I have a pending appointment this Friday to see a lung specialist. I’ve been on the phone this morning trying to find a new primary care doctor that will see me today because in addition to my regular sickness it appears that I may be getting sick with something else.

I’m on a huge amount of medications, some of which I believe are probably superflous…but you’d probably take them too if you could not breathe half the time. Lets count them up: Proventil (inhaler), Advair (inhaler), Singulair, Cod Liver Oil, Elderberry, a natural inhaler, and will soon be on something called Hawthorne.

So once again to all my friends that have had to hear me talk about this a lot over the past few months I am sorry. It just sort of consumes your thoughts and life when you don’t feel well. I’ve missed a lot of work. When I do make it through work I get home at 7:30 or 8 ready to go right to bed. I also usually get home and cry out of frustration at feeling this way and not knowing what is going on. So in the midst of this I must mention that I have an incredible husband who has listened to me ask questions, complain, and cry more times than I can count. He has stayed home from work with me. He fixes me meals. He has not said a word when I have had to cancel my appointments and just stay in bed. Basically he has been the very definition of God’s grace to me.

This full-time job really cut into the training I was trying to do for the half-marathon. In fact it completely cut it out. The doctors have not told me what is wrong with me, but they have forbid me to run. I can see where they are coming from. I could not even get in two miles last week without having to take my rescue inhaler twice. It was not a pretty sight.

Sigh. So thats all I’ve got folks. A weepy, whiny post. I’ve haven’t post much of all at late because I just haven’t had anything inside of me. I sort of feel like a vacuous waste of nothingness when it comes to creativity…I know not to be dramatic or anything.

Sigh again. So I’m just here. Being uncreative, trying to get better, and trying to trust God and understand what this experience is about. The Psalms have been helping. Some of the people in them are having rough days too, and being pretty dramatic about it.

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  1. I’ll listen to you whine and complain any day. Love you friend and we’ll just keep praying for God’s direction in all this madness.

  2. I’m praying for you, friend! I love and I will do anything I can to help.

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