I had a revelation several weeks ago…aka God spoke to me and I was wise enough to listen.
The back story is that I have been struggling with some of the sermons shared at my church recently. With that struggle has come a wrestling with my church in general. All of these doubts started to arise in my heart and mind about this community, and whether or not it would continue to be home to Phillip and I. With those doubts and upset feelings came a distancing myself from the church…and unfairly, a distancing myself from God.
God set me straight though. This past Sunday God spoke clearly that whatever my issues with my church and pastors, those were my issues with human, fallible people; they were not an issue that I should be taking out on God. Whatever my issues, differing theology, or grievances with my church, my God remains good and true, and enthroned high above these issues. This word sent me to my seat for a while so I could pray and absorb. Aside from feeling like a complete wanker towards God, this word also left me feeling a joy in church that I had not felt in several months. It was as though I was reminded not only of how good God is, but also how much I am able to enjoy and revel in God.
With that joy and peace I was able to show up and spend two hours talking through my concerns with my pastor a few days later. Two hours of conversation where I did not hold anything back, and still felt completely safe. My pastor listened to my concerns and my complaints leveled straight at him and he took it with complete grace.
My church family may be far from perfect, just like me. But they are the kind of family that will accept your honesty and rebukes with amazing grace. And even better than all this, is that our God is above all of our human and yet willing to come walk through this mess with us.