pbandj1011

Archive for August, 2012|Monthly archive page

Good.Needed.

In Uncategorized on August 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Yesterday our afternoon looked like this…

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My heart has needed this hangout for a while now. It was made all the sweeter by having the Reusses back in the mix, even if for just a few short hours.

Our hangouts are more demure these days, with lots of babies to pass around and care for. But I’m pretty sure we would not have it any other way now.

Still crazy to think that in a few short months there will be a baby in these pictures that goes home with Phillip and I.

The excitement and sheer terror I feel at this thought have become good friends in head lately.

Sky,inside.

In Uncategorized on August 23, 2012 at 9:51 pm

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Sometimes at night after Phillip has fallen asleep I lay still in our bed, put my hands on my ever-growing stomach, and feel my son alive and moving.

In those moments I feel so full.

As though the sky itself, with it’s beauty and expanse, is inside of me.

This fullness has found room in my heart as well.

And I cannot help but say “thank you”.

Dark days.

In Uncategorized on August 20, 2012 at 9:57 pm

After one of the best vacations of my life…the laundry side of life came roaring back in over the past two days.

Yesterday was our monthly picnic at church in the Shady Hill community. I spent most of the time making small talk with random church and neighborhood members. Towards the end I spotted a woman I have known there for over four years. I remember meeting her and her partner, their cute-as-could-be toddler boy, and eventually a beautiful baby girl who joined them all to make a family of four. Over the years it has been clear that they have struggled heavily in life. We have caught up over her job struggles, her partners job struggles, and sending her oldest to kindergarten. Yesterday I devastated to hear that one month ago ICE showed up at 6 am to search her trailer for someone who was not there. In the midst of the search they turned to her partner; who was unfortunately Latino, living in a trailer park, and undocumented. ICE arrested him and took him away, with no warrant. My friend lost her partner and her children lost their father. Since that time she shares her son has been struggling, and has gotten in several highly uncharacteristic fights in their neighborhood.

Thankfully her partner has not been deported, but he is being kept in a prison over an hour away. The mother is allowed to visit once a month for an hour. Right now they are fighting his deportation, but if the judge chooses to not hear their case then he will be deported no matter what. I stood and cried with my friend as she shared her heartbreak at losing her partner, her worry for how her children were handling it, and her struggle in that her partner was the major breadwinner for the family…thus she is now sinking even farther into poverty. I would appreciate your prayers for this family. Pray for comfort, that they would feel God with them during this time and find hope. Lastly, pray for justice because it is sorely lacking for them…and for thousands of other families across this nation that are having their families torn apart due to unjust laws.

After a heavy Sunday I returned to work this morning. I walked into work and went first to check my mailbox on my way to my office. Inside were the usual memos, schedules, and random things that would gather there in a week off. Unfortunately I also discovered discharge papers telling me that one of my client’s had been hospitalized for suicidal ideation, and a copy of the suicide letter she had written that specifically mentioned that she was going to kill herself after I went away. Ughhh. I thank God that she is okay, but still my heart hurt so badly to read the letter detailing all the things she hates about herself. I will be honest that it does test my pacifist beliefs when I consider the man, who repeatedly raped her, telling her that she would have more to lose than him, and her admitting in the letter that she was tired of trying to prove him wrong.

To top off the day I learned that another of my client’s was facing the likelihood of his father dying this week. This is a client who already had a trauma history as long as my arm, including the murder of his sister several months ago.

I would appreciate your prayers for these situations as well. Pray for healing, restoration, hope, and that all those involved would come to know God and how much God cares for them.

I know God is good. But I would be lying if I did not admit that days like yesterday and today leave me wondering what is going on and searching to understand God’s love and goodness for these people. I know it is there. And hopefully that will be enough as we stumble through this darkness.

ecstasy&laundry

In Uncategorized on August 15, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Vacation this year has more than exceeded my hopes and expectations. We are spending the week in Nags Head with Phillip’s family, and we are all nestled together for better or worse (mostly better) in a lovely home on the Sound Side. Time has felt slow, purposeful yet relaxed, and very sweet as Phillip and I spend time talking to our son. The weather has been the most beautiful I have ever experienced at the beach -breezy, low humidity, mid 80’s in temperature, and just the right amount of rain. Today I actually got chilled on the beach the weather was so calm. In response I did the only rational thing to do; I curled up in towels, accepted getting sand everywhere, and went to sleep for about an hour. I cannot remember exactly what I dreamed about but it involved all the people I could hear around me, their life stories, pain, beauty, and a lot of crying babies. It was a good dream. I woke up feeling refreshed and jazzed about this life we get to live, and also really needing to pee.

Upon our return to the beach house I checked my phone and was reminded that a dear friend of mine had gone to court today fighting to gain custody of her granddaughter. I felt rather shitty about having forgotten about her and her life situation, especially when just having time with her three days prior. As I sat praying for her, and the situation, my mind began to wonder to the two very different parts of life we are both in today. I recognized that I am heavily into Sabbath right now, and that it is okay to be there and not with her in the hard part of life. Yes, I need to grow in remembering to pray for my friends on my Sabbath…but for the most part what I need to be doing is resting in awe of how beautiful life (God) is. Sabbaths in the form of vacations are always great for pulling me back to heavy contemplation, to prayer, deep breaths, belly laughs, and to exultation in all things God has made.

The heaviness of friends hoping to win a nasty custody battle, the lightness of sitting on a porch under the stars-staring at the water all around- they are both places we will find ourselves with God. They are both places of worship, surrender, and faith.

The Sabbath and ALL the rest (either hard or easy) are sure to come around again and again. I am thankful for these cycles because they always prepare for the next…so long as we take deep breaths and resolve to be at peace in whichever phase of the life-moon we find ourselves in. Phillip and I bought a journal soon after learning we were pregnant and have been writing to him since. Just yesterday I wrote to him about the pull to be several places at once, and how easy it will be to not be fully present where you are because you are so busy thinking about all the other places you could be. I encouraged him to allow himself to be fully present always, because if he is following God then he will always be just where he is meant to be. Whether at the beach or in a courtroom.

I came across a good quote today. It read “After Ecstasy then Laundry”.

So true.

I am glad for a break from the laundry. But I will say a prayer for all those putting in a second load as we speak.

MaternityStyle1.

In Uncategorized on August 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I am growing…almost daily it seems. Behold the last two months:

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Thankfully thus far I have been able to fit in things I already owned, and have been able to thrift a couple of good dresses, skirts, and tops to make up the difference.
Thankfully the adventure of trying to find a new wardrobe on a budget, with a constantly growing stomach, outweighes the fact that the scale goes up every time I step on it.

Happy whatever-day-it-is (I’m on vacation and feel no guilt for not knowing what day it is). I pray it is a good one for you!