Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The office.

In Uncategorized on June 24, 2014 at 11:26 pm

Since moving into our home our office has been rearranged more than any other room. It held all our junk and unpacked boxes for months. We then cleared everything out and got it organized. Within two weeks we started to store junk in there again. We organized again. Put up some pictures, and arranged the books by category. We moved a couch in…and then moved it out…repeat. Boxes of junk re-appeared. Boxes of junk were slowly dealt with, and a trip was made to the Goodwill.
We’ve decided to store all our sports equipment in the office. We’ve decided to make it a yoga oasis. The sports and yoga equipment is now in a cabinet on the porch. We’ve moved a bike into the office. I’ve taken some of the plants out. More junk has appeared, and then been dealt with. The office is filled with things I love, things I wish I had more time for, things I don’t really want to have to deal with, things I dream about, and projects I hope to complete.
The office holds pictures of my dear family and friends. They started out in albums and have now been moved to picture boxes. There are several max boxes lying around no matter how many times I put them somewhere else. The floor always has some dirt on it.
Currently a new table has been added which allows the printer to no longer sit on the floor. A tall glass of wine now sits on said table with the printer.

Phil and I go back in forth about the office and either bemoan how we have such high expectations for it, but sometimes neither the time, energy, or motivation to make it all that it can be; or we get it clean, turn on the twinkle lights and feel like it is a magical place filled with the possibility of so much good to come.

Our office is basically the story of our lives.


Here lately…

In Uncategorized on May 8, 2014 at 9:29 pm

The days are long.
We say it to each other over,
And over again.
This day is long,
And these days are long,
They feel like forever
And stuck in one place
All at once.
Until we look down,
And see the smiles of a little boy.
Boy not baby.
Until we hear a new word,
Upon a new word
Upon a new word,
The days are long,
And we are so very tired
Because our boy is growing,
And so are we.

Over it.

In Uncategorized on March 25, 2014 at 8:28 pm

Some thoughts I shared on Facebook tonight on the whole uproar over World Vision today: 

When all is said and done Jesus spoke pretty plainly on what the litmus test was going to be before the judgement seat of Christ…It would be whether or not we fed and clothed the hungry, invited the stranger and foreigner in, and took care of the sick and those imprisoned. This is the gospel. This is the Good News we are to proclaim and live out. As it happens World Vision is living out the gospel daily for those in desperate need of the Good News that Jesus brought. I would prayerfully ask you to consider joining me donating to them tonight to help make up for the funding they are sadly losing from Christians so distracted by the issue of gay marriage that they are forgetting that the above is God’s priority. Though to be honest I have to say that pulling funding from a company that takes a stand to treat ALL of their employees with dignity and respect (to provide insurance so that when they are sick they can seek healing, so that they can have gainful employment and not go hungry) is not how you spread the gospel (because it is not the gospel). The gospel is not a culture war. Let’s forget the culture war and wash feet instead.

What I did not include was: I’m so over this shit already. 

VA is for Lovers

In Uncategorized on February 15, 2014 at 10:55 pm

A little over eight years ago I headed out to the polls to vote. I don’t remember much about the candidates, but I do remember the constitutional amendment on the ballot. There was a proposed amendment to define marriage as between a man and a woman, therefore making gay marriage or civil unions impossible in the state.

After praying about this amendment in the weeks leading up to the election I went with what I felt at peace with and voted against the measure.

I was in the minority however, and the amendment became law. At the time my vote was the first time I had not towed the conservative, republican religious line I had been raised in. I can remember both my fear in separating myself from what had been my home base, and also my peace in stepping into a place of grace in uncertainty, but certainty in love.

In the last four years I’ve had enough conversations with persons who identify as gay or transgendered to wholeheartedly believe that the marriage amendment passed (with strong church and religious support) has done more to hasten the departure of LGBTQ persons from our churches than any other thing/has prevented them from coming in the first place. Even more disturbing us that these conversations have revealed how very unloved many of my LGBTQ friends and acquaintances felt by the church. Instead they shared tears and feelings of being hated and feared.

How sad that this is what the bride of Christ is known for. Is this bearing our cross in love? Washing others feet? Bringing everyone to the table for the wedding feast? While some Christians (many) may feel this was right, I disagree.

This week a judge ruled that the marriage amendment was unconstitutional! A momentous occasion, and a victory for equal rights. I’m excited that several of my friends may soon be able to marry their partners.

I haven’t heard any reactions but positive ones thus far, but then again I haven’t been to church yet.

Tomorrow is Sunday, pray for grace and love from the pulpits of VA.


In Uncategorized on September 2, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Being pregnant is hard, labor is hard, and having a newborn is hard…but all of these things share one amazing fact: you have no period.
Sadly that time of life has come to an end and well this basically sucks. When I opened my fertility charting app today under notes I wrote “crampy”. What did not get included, but is very much a part of my life is “last night i almost cried because I love my kid so much, five minutes later i almost cried because I felt so suffocated and exhausted by my kid, five minutes after that I threatened to call the county health inspector when the restaurant we were eating at told me all of the high seat chair straps were broken, five minutes after that I turned down ice cream because I am eating healthier, less than 24 hours later I bought a large canister of sea salt caramels”.
You get the idea…
Pictures to cheer us all up:





1. Samuel loves spending time with great grandma!
2. All packed and ready to go.
3. Eat your greens.
4. Happened upon this gem in my grandmother’s church.


On a more serious note lets all be praying for Syria. The people there need peace so badly, but I truly doubt that our warships and bombs can give it to them.


In Uncategorized on July 29, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Tonight thanks to my wonderful sis-in-law Philip and I enjoyed a date night.
After finally got Samuel down I quickly threw on a dress that I could not breast feed in, gave Hannah more instructions than she probably needed, and then literally ran out the door giggling in excitement.
Phillip is my partner and love. We had a wonderful night, but were just as giddy excited to return home to our little guy.

Because that is just how it works now.

It’s exhausting, but we love it and it makes times like tonight even more special to me.

Blue skies

In Uncategorized on July 10, 2013 at 10:03 pm

We headed to the Bay over the holiday weekend. It was a great time filled with watching Samuel discover something new, eating good food, drinking wine and perhaps a little watermelon moonshine, and going to bed each night by 9:30 because babies at the beach are for realz exhausting…






Lenten Confession

In Uncategorized on February 26, 2013 at 8:08 am

Ash Wednesday came and went without me “giving anything up”. I had several things in mind beforehand, but honestly I dedicated almost no time and no prayer to figuring out what God might be calling me to give up to be closer to Him/Her.

In terms of my spiritual life this laziness was rather irresponsible don’t you think?


Just say yes. Don’t be nice and let me off the hook. Or extend me grace. Or anything of that sort.

That same week on Friday night I got away to a bookstore for some solo time, during which many issues in my life started to become more clear in pointing to a great deal of irresponsibility on my part.

For the last few years (or my whole life depending on how I look at it) I have can see how I have grown incredibly self-absorbed and irresponsible. I have done things that were comfortable for me, and avoided most things that were not. Most importantly for the past year my personal time with God has been a bit of a joke.

Sure I read my Bible each day. I have a rule that I can’t check Facebook or Instagram or my Google reader before reading the Bible. The thing is though that I now read my Bible SO that I can get on Facebook or look at your cute pictures on Instagram. After reading the Bible I hardly ever spend time praying or simply sitting in God’s presence. The only legit spiritual exercise I get is in keeping an ongoing list of God’s gifts and graces that I am thankful for each day. How irresponsible to spend the year I was becoming a parent focused mostly on myself, and not seeking after God.

As I pondered my spiritual life on Friday night it also became clear how much the rest of my life is out of whack by my irresponsibility.

For instance here are some examples, but by no means exhaustive list, of the ways I am incredibly irresponsible: I don’t take my spiritual life serious enough. I don’t pay enough attention to my bills to always pay them on time. I am terrible about responding to emails within even a week. I am really bad at responding to text messages, sometimes replying a day or more late. I am bad about calling my friends to ask them to hang out with me (but am upset when it seems that my friends never reach out to spend time with me). I don’t send thank you cards out on time. I let mechanical issues fester with my car for months (or years) before getting them fixed. I spend way too much time watching Netflix now that I am on maternity leave. I eat out so often that cooking at home feels exotic. I have created countless budgets for Phillip and I and stuck to none of them…ever. I have withheld my true thoughts and feelings often on this blog for fear of how some people may react. I have avoided tough conversations with people just because. I have put off applying for my LCSW for five months, even though I really need the raise I will get at work when I obtain it…

So yeah you get the idea.

As I became more and more convicted of this that Friday night I realized that my irresponsibility is what I need to give up this Lent. My irresponsibility in not spending time with God and in not being a good steward over all the relationships and responsibilities He/She has placed in my life.

So far Lent this looks like me giving up Netflix so I have more time to be present with God, my family, friends, and life responsibilities. It also looks like me beginning all those “thank you” notes I need to write for all the gifts we have received for Samuel.

It will also mean me opening up more on this blog about my birth, my difficult/emotional pregnancy, and some things about my friendships and my church that I have really been struggling with over the past year.

Here’s to seeing God more clearly through my mess. I pray the same for you during this season.

Hello World

In Uncategorized on January 8, 2013 at 3:19 pm

I know I dropped off the planet around here for a bit…

But lets be honest; it’s not like I did not have a good reason for it:




Introducing Samuel Asher Outland-Brock. Born December 9th 2012 at 4:12 in the morning.

I have struggled to find time to blog because most of the time I am either holding Samuel, nursing Samuel, taking a shower, or stealing a quiet moment with Phillip.

I would not have it any other way.


Little one.

In Uncategorized on December 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Yesterday was my due date.

My heart is longing to meet this child I have been growing for the past nine months. And also my heart is scared of all the unknown that comes after that meeting.


Little one, you are loved, chosen and so so special. Please come at just the right time, and in just the right way.

We can work together you and I, and your father can help. But let’s create a special meeting shall we?

As I sang in noonday prayers today…God’s hope can overcome all fears.

I fear the unknown all too often…but it is swept away easily in the hope that God has something great planned.

So come sometime soon and lets enter into this sacred journey together together.